How to Know If You’re with the Right Person?
- Denis Carvalho
- Feb 9
- 4 min read
The Right Person
Have you ever questioned whether you are with the right person? This dilemma follows many people throughout life, and often, the search for an answer begins with the wrong assumptions. Love is not a fleeting emotion but a behavior cultivated daily. More than finding the “right person,” the real secret is becoming someone whole, who overflows with love instead of seeking to be completed by another.
In this article we will look at:
Before Loving Someone Else, Be Whole
Carl Jung stated, “What you resist, persists.” In the context of relationships, this means that if we do not deal with our insecurities, they will continue to manifest in our connections. Often, we look to our partners to fill emotional voids, but this only traps us in a cycle of frustration.
Osho reinforces this idea by saying, “A relationship is only beautiful when two whole people meet to share their completeness, not to extract something from each other.” True partnership arises when both individuals are self-sufficient and choose to share their lives rather than compensate for their emotional deficiencies.
Love: Much More Than a Feeling
In popular imagination, love is synonymous with overwhelming passion. But love is not just about feeling—it’s about deciding, about acting. If we rely only on our emotions, the ups and downs of feelings can lead us to impulsive decisions. True love is a daily commitment, supported by actions that demonstrate respect, care, and mutual growth.
Kahlil Gibran, in The Prophet, wrote: “Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself. Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; for love is sufficient unto love.” In other words, love is not possession, it is not dependence—it is freedom and conscious choice.
Mental Triggers for a Lasting Relationship
If you want to know whether you are with the right person, reflect on these fundamental aspects:
1. Do you feel peace or anxiety?
Healthy relationships bring serenity. If you constantly feel insecure, afraid of losing your partner, or needing to prove your worth, it is a sign that something is misaligned.
2. Is there reciprocity in actions?
Love is a verb that translates into actions. If the effort to maintain the relationship is one-sided, you may be investing in love that drains rather than strengthens.
3. Do you feel free to be yourself?
The right person does not try to mold you according to their expectations. On the contrary, they encourage your personal growth and respect your essence.
4. Does the relationship promote evolution?
Jung teaches us that relationships are mirrors. If your relationship constantly exposes your weaknesses and challenges you to evolve, it may be a sign that you are on the right path.
5. Is the relationship based on respect and partnership?
Long-lasting relationships do not survive solely on passion but on respect, mutual support, and shared values. If there is disrespect or manipulation, it is a red flag to reassess the relationship.
What Makes a Relationship Fail?
Many relationships start well, but over time, issues arise that weaken the connection between the couple. Some factors that can lead to failure include:
Lack of communication: Not expressing feelings and needs can create accumulated frustrations.
Excessive jealousy and control: A relationship based on possession suffocates the other’s individuality.
Unrealistic expectations: Expecting your partner to be responsible for your happiness is a recipe for disappointment.
Resistance to change: Healthy relationships require growth and adaptation. If one person refuses to evolve, the relationship may stagnate.
Emotional Crumbs: What You Shouldn’t Accept
Many people remain in relationships that offer only emotional crumbs—small gestures of affection sporadically, while most of the time, the partner is indifferent or neglectful. Some signs that you are receiving less than you deserve:
Indifference to your emotional well-being.
Lack of genuine interest in your life and dreams.
Affection only when convenient.
Constant excuses for not being emotionally present.
Accepting less than you deserve only reinforces patterns of low self-esteem and emotional dependency.
Building Self-Esteem to Become an Interesting Person
Gardeners know that chasing butterflies is useless—the secret is cultivating a beautiful garden so they come to you. In relationships, it is the same: when you invest in yourself, you naturally attract compatible partners.
How to cultivate a strong “emotional garden”?
Invest in self-awareness: Know who you are, what your values are, and what you truly want in a relationship.
Develop emotional independence: Find happiness and fulfillment outside of relationships.
Enhance your skills and passions: People with their own interests and personal growth goals are more attractive.
Take care of your body and mind: Physical and mental health directly impact self-esteem and confidence.
Conclusion: Choose to Love Consciously
The question “How do I know if I am with the right person?” can be reframed as “Am I becoming the best version of myself in this relationship?” True love is not just about emotions but about the daily choice to build something solid.
Instead of seeking a partner to fill your voids, work on becoming someone who overflows with love and completeness. Healthy relationships are not about completing each other but about sharing a journey of growth and genuine connection.
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