Family Constellation and How It Can Transform Your Relationships
- Denis Carvalho
- Feb 18
- 2 min read
In this article we will look at:
What is Family Constellation?
Family constellation is a systemic therapeutic approach created by German philosopher, theologian, and psychotherapist Bert Hellinger. It reveals hidden family dynamics that influence our lives and relationships, exposing emotional patterns passed through generations that shape how we love, connect, and face challenges.
Origins and the Founder: Who Was Bert Hellinger?
Bert Hellinger (1925–2019) was a German therapist whose experiences with the Zulu people in South Africa inspired his work on family systems. Combining insights from psychoanalysis, primal therapy, and transactional analysis, he developed family constellation therapy, blending philosophy, psychology, and systemic studies.
The Three Principles of Family Constellation (with examples):
Belonging: Everyone has a right to be part of the family system. Exclusions create imbalances.Example: A woman struggles financially until a constellation session reveals a rejected uncle’s suffering. By symbolically including him, her financial issues improve.
Order: There is a natural family hierarchy based on seniority. Disrupting this order causes conflicts.Example: A man in conflict with his father discovers he assumed a parental role toward his mother. Restoring his father’s position brings peace.
Balance Between Giving and Receiving: Healthy relationships maintain a balanced exchange.Example: A couple in crisis finds that one partner only gives but never receives. Recognizing this pattern helps them restore mutual affection.
How a Family Constellation Session Works:
Sessions can be group or individual. In group sessions, participants represent family members, expressing emotions and behaviors that uncover hidden dynamics. The facilitator guides symbolic dialogues and movements to restore harmony. In individual sessions, figurines or anchors stand in for family members, providing similar insights.
Benefits of Family Constellation for Relationships (with examples):
Romantic Relationships: Helps couples identify inherited unconscious patterns.Example: A couple realizes their fear of abandonment stems from their grandparents' trauma. Understanding this strengthens their bond.
Parent-Child Bonds: Heals broken connections.Example: A mother discovers her child’s behavior echoes a past family exclusion. Acknowledging this soothes the child's struggles.
Self-Awareness: Recognizing family patterns frees individuals from repeating cycles.
Conclusion:
Family constellation is more than a therapy—it is a profound dive into the soul of your ancestry. By honoring and understanding your roots, you heal invisible wounds and create space for a lighter, more fulfilling life. It offers not only conflict resolution but a fresh perspective on yourself and others—the key to more authentic, loving, and balanced relationships.
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